The perks of being infertile

First off, the fertilization report!

Out of the 28 eggs harvested26 were mature, and 21 fertilized with ICSI. I’m pretty effin’ stoked about that… just waiting for the horrible news to arrive that none of them are growing. ACK! In unrelated news:

Stirrup Queens wrote this hilarious post recently, criticizing an obnoxious article titled “8 Weird Behaviours Only a Parent Can Get Away With“, which was totally lame and really just served the purpose of making child-free folks go like this:

Animated Gifs

So in retaliation, she wrote a list of stuff that only infertile women could say or do, and took the liberty of crowd-sourcing it. A lot of fellow IF bloggers commented with their own ideas, some of which were pretty sad and tragic, others of which were downright funny, and there were even a few genuinely positive aspects to being challenged in the babymaking department. So in case you didn’t see it, I’m going to copy a few of the best here (they may be slightly modified, for the sake of clarity/brevity).

The Top 10 Things Only An Infertile Woman Will Say/Do:

10. Look forward to injecting herself with nun urine!

9. Create a baby without a penis coming anywhere near her vagina! In fact, her partner may not even be in the same country — MAGIC!

8. Know exactly what the top of her doctor’s head looks like!

7. Administer shots in her own butt cheeks in the bathroom of a shady-looking gas station on the backroads of Virginia!

6. Speed through rush-hour traffic (in my case, on a bicycle) with a cup of sperm tucked into her cleavage so it stays warm!

5. Watch the moment she actually gets pregnant on a TV screen, and have photos of her children when they were just a bunch of cells!

4. Abstain from having sex for days in order to increase the chances of making a baby!

3. Drink booze at her own baby shower without anyone batting an eye since she isn’t actually pregnant (thanks, surrogacy)!

And these next two are mine…

2. Drift off to sleep on an examination table while a complete stranger shoves a condom-covered plastic wand up her hoo-ha at 8 a.m.!

1. Understand what the phrase “My RE said to POAS after my 2WW post-IUI and it was a BFN, then a BFP, so I need a beta” means!

Got any others?? Add them here below (or send ’em to SQ)!

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16 thoughts on “The perks of being infertile

  1. Congrats on the great fertilization report! Keep the good news coming!
    Love the list. That is brilliant! I think number 4 and your number 1 are my favorites :)

  2. That’s a great fertilization report, I’m so happy things are going smoothly for you. No reason to think they’re not going to keep going that way! My fave of the above is #5, I love the idea of giving your future child the picture of them as a blastocyst and blowing their minds.

  3. I just started reading your blog and wanted to say how much I looooove it! Your writing is so awesome. Even though it sucks to be in the world of IF, I am loving the smart, funny, talented women I’m finding because of it.

  4. Wow! Huge congrats!! That is a really great result and a super fertilization rate! (Another thing we infertile girls get to do is thrown around fun phrases like “fertilization rate” – woohoo! :)

  5. 21. 21???!!!!!!! &())@#*!&*@^*&!@*&!^@*&!!!!!!! This is beyond good news. Your blasts WILL be healthy. I am putting the positive juju into the universe right now.

  6. I totally love that face! As a SINGLE mother I often am on the fense with questionable behavior. Generally I am on the side that says “no excuses”,… but there are also times where I am like “HEY i never planned for my husband to leave us! OK! O FREAKING KAY!?! THIS PARENTING JOB WASNT MEANT FOR ONE PERSON!?!”
    I <3-ed it

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