Still pregnant, but with a lazy-ass embryo that is taking its sweet fucking time to grow

lazy

Honestly? HONESTLY?! As y’all know, I was hoping today would be the day when I’d get a straightforward, crystal-clear answer after my third beta draw — either a very low number that said, “It’s over, this isn’t happening, purchase and consume that bottle of wine immediately and rejoice in not having to shove “effervescent vaginal tablets” (aka Endometrin) up your vajizza three times a day,” or a high number that would put me totally at ease and say, “I was just messing with ya, silly! Here I am, doubling perfectly at 48 hours, so start buying maternity pants and thinking about boy names you don’t hate… can Clover be a boy name?” Instead, I got pretty much the same doubling time as before, going from 445 on Friday to 1,672 on Tuesday (I’m actually so incompetent at math, I have no idea what that doubling time is, but it should have been 1,780).

Once again, the nurse was all, “Girl, you are so good! Relax!” and reiterated my instructions for the ultrasound on March 4th, which involves having a tech finding out whether or not it has a heartbeat — but NOT TELLING US, and instead making us wait an hour or so until our doctor can fit us into his schedule to reveal the results. Like, seriously, we’re paying how much for this and you’re making us wait for an hour to find out whether this thing is even alive?! Now I will know how those girls feel at that cocktail party before the rose ceremony on The Bachelor — ie. “Get this shit OVER WITH”.

Aaaanyway, I suppose this is what infertility is all about, right? It clearly doesn’t turn into schmetterlings and regenbogens (butterflies and rainbows, my two favourite German words) as soon as you see two lines on an HPT. It simply means that you go from coping with one variety of incessant worrying and assuming the worst to another variety of incessant worrying and assuming the worst. And I have a sense that this will continue even when there’s a live baby in my arms. Sigh.

Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Still pregnant, but with a lazy-ass embryo that is taking its sweet fucking time to grow

  1. Isn’t tha the truth? The worrying never ends. How you manage the worrying can change, though. Or at least that’s what they keep telling me. I’ve been doing these breathing exercises. It’s hokey as hell. But it really helps my anxiety levels. And I need all the help I can get. You’re pregnant, girl. I know I am just beginning to follow along on your journey, but I’m truly so happy for you. This is great stuff.

  2. Those seem like pretty good numbers actually! I’ve learned recently that the doubles don’t really need to double, but grow at a minimum of a 60% rate to be viable. So that seems like good news! (I’m not good at math either though, so what do I know! ha!) Congrats on being pregnant!!

    It also seems pretty asinine to me that the nurse won’t let you SEE the heartbeat yourself at the ultrasound. What is THAT!! If she lets you look at the screen, look for a flickering in the center of the blob that will be the fetus. You should be able to see the movement. I didn’t know what I was looking for the first time, but now that I know, I have no trouble picking it up. That is just stupid that she won’t even show you where it’s at.

  3. I will be honest, I have never had been pregnant and have NO idea what a good beta is, but from what I’ve read/heard…that number sounds good! Especially if your nurse is telling you so. I hope you can have faith in your little embryo and I will be thinking very positive thoughts that at your ultrasound you will see a strong heartbeat!

  4. Yes! Betabase is your friend! Betabase will tell you that you and your LO are above average right now! Do not collect 200 dollars, go directly to betabase. It helped me get through many a beta worry :) And yes, your doubling time is increasing and always within the normal range so you are doing great! – so happy for you!!! And p.s. you hit the nail on the head for us infertiles. I know all moms worry to some extent, but our neighbors just got preggo after trying for…ONE month, and literally she doesn’t think about ANY of the crap we think about. She is literally living in blissful ignorance. To get all meta-blog about it, her name she be “Summer” :)

  5. I understand your worry but those still seem like good numbers. If there was anything to worry about based on the beta, I think your nurse would tell you. Although, I can’t believe the way you have to have your u/s. That is like torture. Will you be able to see the screen? Hopefully, you’ll just be able to see the heartbeat yourself.

  6. Umm… you are seriously good and pregnant! A doubling time of 50 hours (which is what you have if you tested at the exact same time both days) is the same as 48 – that’s what my RE says! You are NORMAL. Your embryo is NORMAL!

    Congrats!!!! This is GREAT NEWS!

  7. Girl! You are so good!! How do you know it’s a boy? Did you do pgd? I know a boy named clover! I think clove is a cool nickname. Like Clive. But better. :)

    • You do NOT know a boy named Clover! Haha, no, I have no idea what the gender is, but I feel like I have to start thinking of decent boy names now because it will take me at LEAST 8 months to find one I like. :)

      • Ya know what?! After thinking about it.. I don’t! It was a Clovis that I know, obviously not well, it’s my friends cousin. I’m sorry! :)

        That’s the beauty of parenting. You can name your kid whatever the heck you want! So fun! I still find it so odd when people call my daughter by her name. I know the older generation doesn’t like it much, and they’re forced to use it and write it in cards! Lol. It’s like playing a game. I name my daughter THIS and all must play along!

  8. Look how pregnant you are! I hear you about the worrying. As if worrying about whether or not I will ever get pregnant isn’t bad enough, I am already worried about possible future miscarriages in a potential future pregnancy. I mean, dear god. If they made “live in the moment” pills, I would pay a lot for them.

  9. Seems like the beta experts have spoken again and things are on track! Most parents at least wait until their child is born to start giving them a complex about not living up to expectations. :) I kid! I have been thinking of you a lot and I hope you can relax a little bit before the u/s. I understand that the worrying is must be all-consuming but things really do seem like they’re going OK.

  10. I think that result clearly says that you are pregnant. Just like talking walking humans, we all grow at our own special pace. If we were all the same then every single 5 year old would be the same height! Hang in there. Your bottle of wine will be waiting for you in nine months ;)

  11. That’s great news!
    The HcG Calculator on Babymed.com shows that it still increased by 93.9% in 2 days and it only has to increase by like 60%.

    hCG Doubling Every: 2 days 2.27 hours (50.27 Hours)
    2-Day Increase: 863 mlU/ml (93.9%) (normal)

    I can’t believe they’re making you wait an hour to find out if there is a heart beat or not. Will you be able to see the screen? If you read up on things before hand and know what you’re looking for and if you can see the screen, you might be able to save yourself some worries. Although they don’t seem to like it when you do that ;) I knew what the NT measurement should be at the 12 week ultrasound and they were going to do the same thing – measure it and then have a doctor tell us the results later – but as she was measuring it, it showed 1.6 mm at the bottom and I told my husband that was a good value. The tech snapped at me and said she could not say anything about it until the doctor had reviewed the results and she would not confirm anything. I might now have an x behind my name indicating I’m an annoying patient ;)

  12. YES! I think this is all great news! Your clinic sounds weird with the ultrasounds, though. Mine has signs everywhere saying only doctors can discuss results, blah blah blah, but the techs always give me some information. I was so freaked out at the first one that I cried when the tech started smiling. They’re human and they’ve got to know what we’re going through.
    Anyway, so happy you got good news. THIS IS GOOD NEWS!! Enjoy it!

  13. Homegirl, YOU’RE PREGNANT !! :) I know its hard to believe, but you are. My betas never perfectly doubled in 48. Never! There is so much to worry about in the coming weeks… we’ve all been there. Try taking the beta numbers out of the equasion. So happy for you!!

  14. I’m a little late to the party, but I have to join the chorus in telling you that your numbers are great. You’re good and knocked up! I completely understand the worry, though, and I know it’s going to be a rough ride until your ultrasound. The wait for that first one feels like eternity. I have no sage advice on how to get through it. Just keep swimming…

    P.S. I also think it’s bullshit that you can’t find out during the ultrasound how everything is looking. That’s just cruel.

  15. Aw dear, I imagine the worry must be infuriating, and yes, never ending for the rest of your days!! When he’s getting into trouble at school, then coming home late at night and going out with girls… ;)
    I am still super confident for you! These are great numbers!

  16. Keep growing little embie!!! I’m sorry it wasn’t better news, again. It sucks when you’ve been through so much already – you should just have perfect numbers and no worries! I still feel confident in your numbers and your embryo. I have been thinking of you a lot and will pray about it. Big hugs xoxo

  17. Ahhhh! I’m soooo late to this party, but I just finally logged back into my reader and saw your amazing news! And, please, listen to everyone above… that beta is just fine! I wish you didn’t have to wait til March for your u/s, and that they were not gonna be stingy assholes with the information you have been waiting to hear for, um.. ever. But HOLY CRAP!!!! You did it girl! I”ll be checking in more frequently so I can keep up with your news. Hang in there. The worrying either gets easier to deal with or even diminishes the further along you get. For now, just breath and try to resist the urge to kiss damp pee sticks (that cracked me up:).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s