There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

Oh man… don’t even. I can’t bring myself to look at how long it’s been since my last post, but what can I say? It’s TIFF season (aka the Toronto International Film Festival), which is the most insane time of year for me as an arts reporter, and it means I have barely a second to shove an occasional wad of street meat in my mouth, let alone blog. As a side note, if any of you have pressing questions for Mr. Harry Potter, I’m interviewing him in a few days, so pass those along. Also speaking with Dexter, and that hot guy from True Blood (Ryan whatever-his-name-is), and haven’t yet organized my notes on their upcoming films, so will gladly use my allotted 20 minutes with each for random subjects of conversation like, say, how they feel about breech deliveries.

Last time I had an ultrasound, it showed the little guy as being the kind of breech where his butt is down by my cervix—apparently any breech position leads to an automatic C-section in most U.S. hospitals because doctors want to avoid getting sued if anything goes wrong. But my mother was saying it’s likely for Canadian OBs to attempt a natural delivery if the baby starts coming out bum-first. Erm… this kind of freaks me out. I’d much rather try to turn him so his head is down where it should be, and at 33 weeks, I’m running out of time. I tried singing that “Turn, Turn, Turn” song repeatedly but then figured I may as well look up some other strategies online. This is where it gets hella weird, girls.

The first result that came up was 9 tips for turning your fetus. Among those tips? Applying an ice pack to the top of your stomach and a heating pack to your vajayjay; playing music through headphones positioned by your crotch, or “have Dad place his mouth on your lower abdomen [ed note: they really mean vagina] and talk to the baby, encouraging him or her to move towards the sound of his voice”; getting onto the floor on your hands and knees, then wiggling your butt around; or lying upside down, on a 45-degree angle — and note, “You can use large pillows or an ironing board to help you get into the slanted position.” Oh, can I? Great! So basically, if you want to find me, I’ll be here lying upside-down on a tilted ironing board with an ice pack on my stomach and a heating pad down below with my husband singing to my vagina. No probs. Seems SUPER scientific.

ironing

Anyone got any better ideas?

P.S. Bump pics page has been updated yet again, but don’t expect any major changes from 28 weeks to 32… same old tummy, basically.

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