16 weeks, aka the “awkward phase”

Well, the good news is that we still have a heartbeat! I realize this isn’t really news at all, because why on earth wouldn’t we have a heartbeat at this stage, but frankly I’m still kind of amazed. My OB is a wiz at locating it with the doppler — the first time, he didn’t have to move it at all, just knew exactly where to place it like he was some kinda fetal psychic (also known as spending upwards of three decades finding heartbeats, I suppose); this time, it took him about two seconds to locate it, and let me tell you, that first second was the most terrifying second I’ve ever experienced and felt like an ETERNITY. But it was there, and lovely. They weighed me and it turns out I’ve gained a single pound in the past 3 weeks (is that normal? I seriously never weigh myself and have no concept of what a pound really means). Blood pressure was miraculously low. Finally, the doc asked if I had any concerns and I said, “Oh, you know, just that the baby is dead…” and then he said — he actually said — that I could come in and listen to the heartbeat any time I wanted. Now, maybe this is common in the U.S., but in the land of public healthcare, anything that is even remotely unnecessary just isn’t accommodated — they’re not even doing routine physicals, breast exams or pap smears anymore. I gave him a shocked look and was all, “Um, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be wasting tax payers’ dollars on quelling my totally unjustifiable fears.” But he insisted it was fine. Lastly, I wanted to make sure that it was all right that I still didn’t have any sign of a growing tummy, and his response? “Oh no, you definitely have a bump!” Erm, excuse me while I put that in bold. I tried to explain it was probably just my breakfast and lack of exercise he was noticing, but he sounded pretty adamant that it was firmer than last time and most definitely growing.

This is a weird phase of pregnancy to be in, I have to say, because on the one hand, I love that other people can somehow detect a roundness down there even though I can’t; but on the other hand, I’m almost certain I’ve been this bloated before and it really just depends on the time of day and the meals I’ve eaten and so forth, so it’s almost insulting when it gets pointed out to me (like, you wanna point out how big my boobies are too, Mr. Acquaintance I Barely Know? Didn’t think so). I also feel this need to avoid the awkward transition phase by either wearing tight pants and sucking in or doing the exact opposite — consuming a buttload of carbs and pushing it out so there is no mistaking it.

Just FYI, I have been taking bump pics (8 weeks, 12 weeks and 16 weeks) in my shitty bathroom mirror, but I seriously am hesitant to upload them here when all three look THE EXACT SAME. I don’t know… should I just toss them onto a “bump pics” page anyway? Or maybe wait until 20 weeks, when there is sure to be some sign of real progression??

P.S. I was going to try and post a funny comic or image or whatever about looking preggo when you’re really just bloated, so I Google Imaged “burrito baby” because this is the term I always use after having eaten a lot of Mexican food and feeling as though I’m going to give birth to a burrito. Anyway, this is what turned up in the results:





That’s not even a burrito — it’s a taco! Gawd, get it right, people.